What I Am Looking For
THE BASICS:
-5 times prayer daily
-responsible
-family-oriented
-great son already & fulfills his duties towards his parents -can hopefully therefore be a great husband & father too -religious: fulfills his obligations towards Allah
-knows about his rights over his wife, duties towards her & the rights his wife has over him & her duties towards him.
OUR EXPECTED MODE OF LIFE IN FUTURE:
"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g., their chastity and their husband's property).'' (Surah 4 verse 34)
Ibn `Umar (R.A) reported: The Prophet (SAW) said: "All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects. The ruler is a guardian of his subjects, the man is a guardian of his family, the woman is a guardian and is responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects.'' (Bukhari and Muslim)
Abu Hurairah (R.A) reported: The Prophet (SAW) said: "If I were to order anyone to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate herself before her husband". (Tirmidhi)
Umm Salamah (R.A) reported: Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: "Any woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah". (Tirmidhi)
Usamah bin Zaid (R.A) reported: The Prophet (SAW) said: "I am not leaving behind me a more harmful trial for men than women". (Bukhari and Muslim)
-- I want my other half to help me please him, to make Jannah easy for me. At the same time, I will also strive not to be a harmful trial in sha Allah. Since our responsibilities & duties are interdependent, he wins I win, he fails I fail & vice versa. So unless we both work hard to win, we both fail miserably.
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said
- "I have no connection with one who shaves..." Reported by Abu Darda (R.A.) : (MUSLIM)
- "Trim closely the moustache and grow the beard." Reported by Abu Hurairah (R.A.) : (MUSLIM)
- "Anyone who dislikes my sunnah is not of me." (Bukhari and Muslim)
"If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your relatives, wealth which you have obtained, commerce wherein you fear decline, and dwellings with which you are pleased are more beloved to you than Allah and His Messenger and jihad in His cause, then wait until Allah executes His command. And Allah does not guide the defiantly disobedient people." (Surah 9 verse 24)
--- So I would prefer someone who keeps a beard or plans to keep one for the sake of Allah, because he loves the prophet more than his shaved face and he is well aware that on the day of Judgement we will have to face the prophet and plead him to intercede for us (his ummah) and who would not want to be among those who have happily put into practice his teachings?
For those people who are thinking that beard is not obligatory, then take the example of the hadith which talks about fasting on Mondays and Thursdays. Nowhere it is said that whoever does not fast on these two days is not one of his (The prophet SAW). However much emphasis has been laid on the beard.
“It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision” (Surah 33 verse 36)
---- I listen to online lectures by Mufti Menk, Yasir Qadhi, Nouman Ali Khan, Bilal Assad, Sheikh Saleh al Moghamsi, Tawfique Chowdhury, Rachid Abu Hudayfa among others. I would love it if my best half listens to online lectures or attends halaqa at the masjid regularly. I agree that the mother is the kids' first teacher since she spends more time with them but I don't want my kids to ask their dad to join them when mum is teaching. My best half is someone who can lead the family based on the teachings of our prophet (SAW). We will both learn together for the betterment of our family.
PHYSICAL ATTRACTION IS IMPORTANT:
Abu Hurairah (R.A) reported: The Prophet (SAW) said: “A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religion. So you should marry the religious woman; (otherwise) you will be a loser." (Bukhari and Muslim)
'Umar ibn Al-Khattab once said: "Do not force your young girls to marry an ugly man, for they also love what you love." Ibn Abidin said: "The woman should choose a man who is religious, of good character, generous and of ample wealth. She should not marry an evildoer. A person should not marry his young daughter to an old man and an ugly man but he should marry her to one similar."
----- I may be beautiful & attractive for one person & not at all for another. I'm looking for someone similar to me. So if you reject me or I reject you, there is nothing to feel offended. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Mutual attraction is compulsory. This will protect you from running away with my friend or your friend's wife ;) or the neighbor :D
ABILITY TO TAKE DECISIONS/SERIOUSNESS/STABILITY:
------ Finally I would like to be very clear on this part. If there is mutual attraction & we both feel that we can consider each other, then honestly I would prefer if our profiles are removed. Else the search may never end. If you have adopted this search as a mode of life: search, send a message, go through pics & be satisfied, so whatsapp/skype/viber, all ok, but still searching. Obviously nothing is okay. At least for me. I'm not here to waste anyone's time, so I expect the same :)
HIGHLIGHT:
------- If you are still reading, then I would like to highlight that I don't celebrate milads, khatam..etc. JazakAllah Khair.
All the best in your search :)
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